The Pratties 2016 – The race is on!
After a long run of political articles covering a few serious events, it’s time to get back to having a bit of fun, by which I mean running the Climate Prat of the Year competition.
If you’re not familiar with the term prat, you can find a rough description of them here, which should be enough to get you going. As to the mechanics of the competition, it’s run in two phases; nomination followed by voting.
The nomination phase consists of you readers adding a comment under this piece containing five names. You can only nominate people. I say this every year – you can’t nominate organisations, and every year the red mist drops down over people’s eyes as they’re enraged by the latest follies of various organisations. I say again, no organisations, it’s too large and rich a field.
On a regular basis for the next two weeks, I’ll be totalling up the number of nominations each prat has received and adding that running score as an addendum to this article. You see how this nomination by comments process works by looking at last year’s article.
I’ll be adding a countdown widget to the blog giving the number of days left before nominations are closed. At that point, the top five prats will go forward into the voting phase. In the event of ties in the number of nominations, a top five will be selected by the competition committee whose secret deliberations operate under their own version of the infamous BBC Berchtesgaden rules.
Now that the field has been culled down to the last five, the absolute crème de la crème of prathood that the whole of the climate clotglomerate can offer, the voting phase begins. A polling widget containing the five names will be added to the blog and for the next two weeks, you can vote for your favourite prat.
The only other procedural item you need to know about is the Blinder Prat option. This is used at the sole discretion of the committee to substitute a competitor with a new one, who’s bounded into contention by committing an absolute act of such genius prattiness, that it simply cannot be ignored.
As usual, cheating is discouraged but not actually forbidden.
I think that covers the basic mechanics of the competition, so we get down to discussing the usual runners in the field and the going conditions.
I have to confess, with one notable exception, it’s been a pratpoor year on the climate front. The biggie of course has been Leonardo DiCapricko whose antics have been toe-curlingly embarrassing to watch. His activities, such as that bloody awful climate porn movie that bombed, were bad enough, but it was the impression one gained of him that was the true horror.
He was like some fundamentally cheap, snot-nosed brat dressed up in a thousand dollar suit and desperately craving respect and recognition from the world as only a high school dropout can do.
The revulsion was compounded by seeing every tongue of the mainstream media half way up his buttocks in abject adulation for his titanic non-accomplishments in saving the environment while ignoring him putting out more carbon than your average four-engine jumbo jet or fuckoff-sized private yacht. As I think upon it, he actually does own things like that.
I’m sure you folks out there can add a few more prats into the competition, though I have the feeling that such a lean year will be followed by a bumper one next year as all the climate prats struggle to outdo each other oscillating between heart-rendering despair and helpless rage as El Prez Trump takes the budget scalpel to the NASA, the EPA and various UN tax troughers with their snouts jammed into the treasury swill. A lot of them are going to end up standing on ledges or sitting in unemployment offices. Both options I find appealing.
Anyway, start nominating and may the most abysmal prat of 2016 win.
Today’s the LAST day to vote. Polls close at midnight GMT, after which the squabbles, temper tantrums, accusations of voter fraud, demands for recounts etc etc can begin.
Update 4. The final Nominees and the total number of their nominations to Saturday 10th December in the year of our Lord twenty and sixteen –
Nominations are now closed, with five prats selected for consideration as this year’s climate prat of the year. I won’t close off comments on the nominations piece so any further ones will be ignored, however you can add commentary on the voting or should it arise, a suggestion for the blinder prat option.
Brian “smarmy little pillock” Cox 18,
Leonardo “DiBarfo” DiCapricko 11,
Justin “el Cubano’s lurv chile” Trudeau 10,
Hillary “where’s my other fucking shoe gone, you Secret Service bastards?” Clinton 10,
John “Klimate Klot” Kerry 8,
Barry “I see no terrorists” Obama 6,
David “for God’s sake, get him off the bloody air or get him put down” Attenborough 6,
Malcontent Turdball 4,
Jay “all wind” Weatherill 4,
Peter “it doesn’t mean they’re not out to kill me” Wadhams 4,
Stephan “they’re the ones who’re mad, I tell you” Lewandowski 3,
Catherine “Canuk climate bimbo” McKenna 3, (probably butt ugly),
Dan “Dopey” Andrews 3,
Ken “Adolph” Livingstone 3,
Gavin “scheisskopf” Schmidt 3,
Bob “mealy mouthed boy” Ward 2,
Guy “we’re all dead anyway” McPherson 2,
Al “I never laid a hand on a masseuse” Gore 2,
Ross “sorta climate prat” Ward 1,
John Selwyn “eat your burgers kids” Gummer aka Lord “troffer” Deben 1,
Wan Ki-moon 1,
Nicola “Mary Doll Nesbitt” Sturgeon 1,
Mirriam O’Brien 1,
Tom Koutsantonis 1,
Nick McKim 1,
David “dirty old man” Suzuki,
Angela “scheiss, what’ve I done” Merkel 1,
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