The Despite and the Whinge words, and Jesus can they whinge.

Okay everyone, settle down, especially you bunch of Yanks at the back of the class. You’re looking too bloody smug and happy these last few days, and I’m afraid I’m that little dark cloud moving into position who’s going to be raining all over your parade. It’s best if you run away now – right now.

Loulou-Belle, stop doing that thing to Dwayne, put him down, you don’t know where he’s been, which in a curious way I do because of those embarrassing parent-teacher thingies nobody in their right mind ever wants to go to, most specially parents and teachers. Everybody dreads the bloody things, and nobody ever lets you weasel out of them either.

There is a unique and I sincerely hope dreadful, painful or least uncomfortable corner of hell reserved for the person who invented parent-teacher evenings. You know this as you sit with your best attempt at feigning nonchalance on a chair specifically designed for a seven year old and your knees rubbing up against your ears as you do the noddies with some teacher whom you realise doesn’t have the first damn clue anyway.

Acting on that information you’re not allowed to talk about, I therefore wouldn’t be doing anything intimate with Dwayne unless I was wearing a hazmat suit and he was triple condomed immediately after being chemically coshed, and I’d be personally checking he’d have had enough of a dose to take down your average rhino.

Seriously, take your tongue out of him, you’ve still got your whole life ahead of you girl.

Anyway, we all make these bad life choices and getting back on topic, I going to talk about two words which you’ll grow to hate in the coming months, but forewarned is forearmed as they say, and watching Dwayne getting hands on down and dirty with Loulou-Belle, I’d say he knows more about four arms than your average octopus, or perhaps in his case that should be arachnid.

The distinction is lost on them, but you’ve long ago abandoned explaining such niceties of the English language. I’d say casting pearls before swine, but after a few conversations with them, I’ve a sneaking suspicion of where the pearls would end up with that lot.

I wish to talk about “despite” and “whinge”, both of which words I’m fairly sure the Antipodean readership are cogniscant of, if only because of a certain whingeing bunch of imports they’ve had to put up with over the years, but the latter term might not be in common parlance in Clay county Missouri. Some interesting people came from there as it happens, but that’s some really interesting stuff for another day.

Churchill said that Britain and America were two great nations separated by a common language. Mistaking a warning sign about walking on pavements could get you killed in America and at some point explaining why queue is a reasonable spelling to a foreigner, you begin to realise there is no valid defence of on God’s good green Earth for such an abomination.

Whingeing is someone complaining about something. The particular thing whatever it is, you listen to the first time around, and if you’re a decent Christian soul, the next time or two, or four or six or eight if you really are pushing out the boat. When it gets to double digits, you get well into the who gives a damn zone but that’s not going to stop them. No Siree Bob, the full-frontal whinge is full on, right in your face and all its aerials are pointing directly at your sorry butt.

There is simply no escape.

They just go on, and on, and on. There’s no bloody stopping them. It’s like that Duracell rabbit advert. Your hand moves, propelled by forces you never knew hands had. Armies, sleeves, Chinese generals, know what I mean Guv? They’re reaching for a gun you might or might not have. Maybe a knife, or a stone, or the fibula bit of some long vanquished foe you keep around for old times’ sake, and you can use to beat them to death with.

Nobody will blame you.

Indeed, they’ll all be rather circumspect and happen to look the other way as you jam the bent over double corpse into your wheelie bin at about eight o’clock at night.

You know in the end, all sanity will be driven from you and listening to someone bitching on and on constantly about something which cannot be changed, raises the blood-crazed madness in you, and Loulou-Belle starts giving you the eye, and then you know you’re truly a lost soul and there is no hope, because the mainstream media come in with the killer punch of the despite word.

The “despite” word is a complete bastard. It really is.

Like everyone else on this aircraft carrier off the coast of western Europe, I’m totally sick and tired of despite. Please God, can someone kill that word. Take it away. Help me Jesus, help me. I can’t take anudda despite. Just remove it from the OED. Every damn bit of news we’ve had for months begins with “despite Brexit”, just add the trailing comma. It works either way, by the way, prefix it with a comma and it works just as good, if not gooder.

Let’s us do the despite fandango. Despite Brexit, unemployment has reached record lows. That was wot we call the prefix, but let’s shuffle to the postfix variation thereof. The footsie 100 has reached a record high, despite Brexit. Jesus Christ has landed on Earth, and although he’s finally been forced into admitting to being a Christian and despite Brexit, we’re all going to have to go to Heaven. Okay, I’ll admit that example escaped the prefix, postfix example and I hadda wedge it into the middle of the sentence, but you get the idea here.

You norty norty people at the back of the class, you’re gonna get “despited” big time and I hope you’re totally bloody-well ashamed of yourself. Suddenly everybody wants to renegotiate NAFTA, despite Trump. Despite Trump, climate negotiators in Morocco are vowing to battle on valiantly, which means the whole thing is down the toilet. Putin wants to “normalise” relationships, despite Trump. Despite Trump, the sun has been rising with a certain boring regularity. I’ve just had to pay my utility bill, despite Trump. However, despite Trump, it didn’t go up from the last quarter, so there.

Despite what everybody thinks, and I may be going out on a limb with this one, but I think it’s a total bloody disgrace if you ask me, despite what everybody else bloody-well thinks, and despite Trump.

©Pointman

Related articles by Pointman:

An analysis of the Trump election victory.

The American election of 2016.

How to get run over by the Trump juggernaut.

The loss of faith in the political class.

Betrayal by those you once trusted.

Click for a list of other articles.

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Comments
10 Responses to “The Despite and the Whinge words, and Jesus can they whinge.”
  1. Old Rooster says:

    Whinge is another of those irregular verbs isn’t it?—
    They whinge, you complain, I have righteous indignation.

    It would be nice to de–spite the Wrong Wing self identified intelligentsia and commentariat though.

    As the liturgical year comes to an end my thoughts naturally drift to the coming season of Advent. No not that much older one, the Advent of the CPOTY process by which his Pointedness consults with his Council of Readership to select the most worthy of claiming that most coveted of all titles that humanity bestows upon one of its putative members. I must confess I have no standout candidate in mind but I might put that down to my advancing CRAFT if only I could remember what that means. Will there need to be a joint or corporate award? Perhaps any and everyone that went to Marrakech should take the title. I hope they all enjoyed the views as Churchill and Roosevelt did in 1942. I doubt any of them took time out to paint a landscape for posterity—probably too busy taking selfies and living it up on someone else’s money. That’s not a whinge but my righteous indignation😉❗️

    Like

  2. LOL in Oregon says:

    Wait, wait, wait.
    You need to be effectively brainwashed and indoctrinated, like Big City Urban drones,
    by the Goebbels-wanna-be old Media folk.
    The old Media is “in control”:
    ………just ask’em how they are perfect and the world gets it wrong.

    Like the Wizard of Oz, they know everything!
    And, if they don’t know it, it must not be important.
    Of course, they have no practical skills, but, Wow!, can they every social climb!

    So, you must “follow orders”, just like the Urban-(d)elite drones.
    “despite” the Obama/Kerry Nuclear WW III on the horizon, “everything is wonderful”.

    Like

  3. Annie says:

    Is it Climate Prat time! Maybe 2016 was such a well-stuffed year of climate prats it would be a very difficult task!

    Like

  4. 42david says:

    Despite [:-)] what you say Pointy we’ve got more bloody good Poms down here than whingeing ones. I served with quite a few of them – the good ones that is. Them what whinges get the sex and travel advice and directions to the nearest international airport.

    Like

  5. gallopingcamel says:

    This rant was above my pay grade but it left me with a feeling of optimism. Maybe there is a wind of change blowing and the early straws in that wind are BREXIT and the Trump presidency. Let’s hope there is much more to follow. Maybe a world wide rejection of stupid government.

    Perhaps STUPID is not the right word. What we are suffering from is elites who control so many governments around the world running things for their own benefit. From my lowly position in society it looks STUPID but that is probably because cost/benefit analysis shows that they get the benefit while I get the cost.

    Like

  6. gallopingcamel says:

    My good friend Bob emigrated to Australia and became an Australian citizen. He used to carry his naturalization papers to show he was a “Whingeing Australian” rather than a “Whingeing Pom”.

    Like

  7. Blackswan says:

    Despite the fact that Oh Bummer may well skip the country when his birth certificate is revealed to be a computer-generated forgery I suspect the Democrats, while currently whingeing in the disarray of disbelief, may well seize upon another female candidate in 2020 to oust the Trump Juggernaut from the top job.

    The current FLOTUS is certainly the most high-maintenance Diva EVER to grace the White House.

    Check this out …..

    Mary Lincoln was taken to task for purchasing China for the White House during the Civil War.

    And Mamie Eisenhower had to shell out the salary for her personal secretary from her husband’s salary.

    Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by you the taxpayers:

    Mamie Eisenhower: One — paid for personally out of President’s salary.
    Jackie Kennedy: One
    Rosaline Carter: One
    Barbara Bush: One
    Hilary Clinton: Three
    Laura Bush: One
    Michele Obama: Twenty-two

    http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/firstlady.asp

    This year we had Killary herself holding up the FLOTUS as the paragon of sage advice and integrity, she’s a skilled orator, a savvy lawyer and best of all … not only is she black, she’s FEMALE … with eight years experience on Pennsylvania Avenue under her belt!

    The Democrats would have nothing left to whinge about – Michelle ticks all their boxes.

    If Barry Soetoro scarpered to a safe haven, she’d have the added kudos of being an abandoned martyred victim, who knew nothing of his phoney past or his treasonous trashing of the Constitution. After all, how could the ‘little woman’ be expected to know when he ‘done her wrong’? Killary got away with it.

    Despite this scenario drawing a long bow, it was worth a good whinge anyway.

    Like

  8. Russ Wood says:

    I loved a comment in one political blog:
    “The Democrats haven’t been so unhappy since the time the Republicans took their slaves away”.
    Whinge, whinge…

    Like

  9. asybot says:

    They whinge, we win(c)e.

    Like

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