There can only be one.

This is the bit I like. They’re all hopping up and down. Pick me, pick me! I cast a sneering, masterful look of complete and utter contempt over the whole fricking bunch of prats and pick out, agonisingly, one by one, the finalists. They all wave their little arms at me frantically to catch my attention as the available slots click down, but I’m in the zone and I’m surfing on it. Screw you Oppy, I don’t just destroy, I create.

I’m Victor von Frankenpointy, it’s alive I tell you, alive. Lightning bolts lash the Earth, burning firebrands are lit, peasants grab their pitch forks, old women know enough to reach for their rosary beads, dogs begin to dawg, hounds begin to howl and the hand of the inert corpse suddenly starts to twitch. Eyes roll, breaths are sharply intaken. Oh my God. The horror, the horror. With a mere stroke of the pen I can [CRAP: Get a grip Pointy, get a grip]

Yes, okay. Sorry about that. Got a bit carried away with the intro there. [CRAP: S’okay, get on with it]. Yassum Boss, Ize gettin’ on with it. Shaking the bush. [CRAP: and less of the sarc as well]. Sorry.

Okay, we’re down to the five finalists. I get slagged off regularly for not having graphs and stuff in my blogs, so I’m going to have some pictures in this one. It’s against my better judgement because I know that sorta stuff is the slippery slope. It’s like a gateway drug for coneheads. Before you know it, there’ll be huge diagrams and squiggly equations that nobody understands and everybody hates anyway.

In no particular order, I now give you this year’s finalists in the pratties. Some are slightly obscure prats so I feel a picture of them might help. The first one is of course El Prez himself – Burka Obama.


The trick is to pick him out but the dead give away is in the eyes. I’m sure you know which one is him.

The next one is Christine “prune-face” Milne, who’s probably not too well known on the world stage. Well, here she is.


If you don’t actually know her, here’s a hint; prune-face is the ugly one in the picture. She didn’t miss hitting a branch when she fell off the top and down through the ugly tree. Not one single frigging branch.

Next is Prof. “Ship of Fools” Turney. I had to struggle to get an image of him but after prevailing on an old academic acquaintance, he obliged me. He was very generous actually, supplying me with two photies. There are some question marks about the images supplied, especially as I know there’s not much love lost between them. However, trusting in his good intentions, I’ll give you both of them.


The second one, I’ve got some serious doubts about. I’m given to understand that it was taken at a big climate conference thrash where he got totally wasted along with all of the other prats, and all of it, as usual, on the taxpayer’s dime.


The next one is Mickey “moobs” Mann in Lew’s outpatient waiting room on one of his dress down days. It’s a slightly crowded photo so I’ve thoughtfully annotated his position in it for your benefit. He’s the only one not looking worried. That’s our boy.


The fifth and final one is John “Mr. 97%” Cook. That’s an überprat photo, if ever there was one.


Well, that’s the five of them but by popular demand and executive order, we’ve decided to blinder prat Leonardo into the competition, just to give Team America a decent chance against the Aussies who’re all over it. [CRAP: I don’t recall this ever being discussed in committee]. You weren’t there that day. [CRAP: But it would have appeared on the minutes]. Someone left it off. [CRAP: I’m going to check up on this Pointy]. You really are starting to get on my tits. [CRAP: You’re making it up, aren’t you? Admit it]. I invented you, so I’ll be damned if I’ll be nagged by you. He’s in – no more discussion, it’s a settled science thing you wouldn’t understand. [CRAP: K]. …. and get off my blog.

Here’s the favourite. I present Leonardo DiCapricko. You keep dressing like that Boyo, another competitor might develop a romantic interest in you, and I’m not talking about prune face …


Okay boyz n gals, let the voting begin.


Related articles by Pointman:

The Pratties 2014 – The race is on!

Climate Prat of 2013 – we have a winnah!

Climate Prat of 2012 – we have a winnah!

Description of a climate prat.

Click for a list of other articles.

51 Responses to “There can only be one.”
  1. Greg Woods says:

    All of them in some sort of group Prat (they are collectivists, anyway).


  2. Kevin Lohse says:

    I don’t see how Turney gets on the list, he was trying far too hard. And Mann should be in line for a lifetime award, it’s difficult to fault him this year, in fact since about 2004, and it’s unfair to the rest to allow him to compete You could always make a special award, “For Noble Services to the Legal Profession” and pension him off. Shouldn’t Ed Davey get an honourable mention as the lights go out all over the UK this Winter.? There’s every chance he won’t qualify at all after May ’15.


    • Manfred says:

      Mann has already received his life time award. He stars in a film of the title ‘Interstellar’. His cinematographic legacy is present for all to see, indeed, in perpetuity.


  3. DirkH says:

    Obama? Nobody wants to be the one who elected him, he’s a spent force.
    Turney? Wonderful blunder, but only a one hit wonder.

    Politics is downstream from culture. It’s gotta be DiCaprio for consuming as much energy as a midsized African nation while prancing around on socialist love fests.


    • Graeme No.3 says:


      You underrate Professor Turkey. He’s trying to organise another Antarctic trip.
      So far there seems to be a shortage of volunteers; probably waiting to see if he wins the Award.


      • DirkH says:

        Oh! I didn’t know that!
        Can’t we have a Leo DiCaprio movie directed by that – ah, Cameron, re-enacting the voyage of the Turney expedition?


      • DirkH says:

        Ok, I change my vote to Turney. DiCaprio will be a hypocrite next year, he can wait.


      • Graeme No.3 says:

        Perhaps the lot could stage a re-inactment of the Franklin Expedition (to find the NW Passage through the thinning ice)?


      • Peter Crawford says:

        I just now voted for Prof. Turdey. He is such a monumental prat that not content with fucking up one antarctic expedition he now wants to fuck up another one.

        There is no point voting for Mann. He is the all-time uberprat and everyone knows it. I mean everyone (apart from Di Caprio and Jessica Alba of course). In the jungles of Papua New Guinea the natives laugh so loud and hard at the mention of Michael E. Mann that they have been known to dislodge their penis-gourds.

        Nah, Chis Turdey is the one for me.


      • Old Rooster says:

        Spot on! The inability to learn from experience must surely be one of the defining characteristics of a prat. Weighted 10:1 in the case of an “academic”.

        I’m developing an unexpected enthusiasm for the idea of a series of ‘Ship of Fools’ movies starring De Crappio and Blanched Tit and all the other usual suspects. Ideally it would be produced by the same team that did the ‘Flying High’ aka ‘Airplane’ series. Just for variety one of the series could be based on the voyage of the Gogolfrincham B–Ark.


  4. diogenese2 says:

    Pointy, I would be tempted to declare the contest void this year as none of these candidates has
    made a contribution that meets the creative inanity worthy of your consideration. Turney deserves a special mention for having put in a lot of work but he has already disappeared into media oblivion. None of the others have exceeded past performance, although Obama’s “deal” with the Chinese, in rendering the Paris 2015 Conference of Parties pointless, is a redeeming masterstroke of an “own goal”. Incidentally the Burka is the inspiration for the common Hindu and Sikh reference to Muslims as “parachute regiment”.
    You might have expanded your quote from the other Billy Connolly – from “the crucifixion”

    Apostle: What’s a prophecy anyway?
    JC: A prophecy tell you what’s going to happen TOMORROW.
    Apostle: Hey Big-un who won the 3.30 tomorrow?
    JC: See you Judas, your beginning to get on my tits.

    All these nominees are losers heading down the tubes. My (apocryphal) family history suggests descent from Vlad the Impaler – well none of these make my hand twitch in search of a sharpened stick.


  5. hillbilly33 says:

    Australia’s coaled-hearted Green queen of CAGW gloom, doom and misery, miracle escapee from the horror of one of Hansen’s coal trains of death, climate prat supreme Christine Milne. .


  6. climatefraud says:

    My vote is for Mike Mann.
    It will give Steyn an extra barb to poke Mann with as he heads off to court.


  7. Blackswan says:


    By way of an apology for our National Shame, I feel compelled to give Prune-face my #1 vote – she of the pendulous knockers who met her gal-pal Gillard as they crashed together through those tree branches.

    A creature of diminutive stature (in height, not girth), suffering small-man-syndrome, who has spent decades ‘desperately seeking’ some kind of relevance after her years of obscurity as school marm in the back blocks of rural Tasmania, she has evolved into the most ruthless, whining harridan ever to ‘grace’ our national stage. Dragged kicking and plotting on Bob Brown’s coat-tails for decades, she eventually wrested the Greens leadership from him when he finally lost the plot altogether and began muttering about “Earthians extincting themselves”. She was the sole architect of Gillard’s carbon tax and all its associated tentacles of Green/Marxist wealth transfer, and she sits in the Senate continuing to stymie our Prime Minister’s efforts to dismantle her insidious Green infrastructure.

    She is the sharp and nasty beak of the giant Green Octopus wrapped around the face of our nation.


    • Blackswan says:

      Hot off the Presses! – if this doesn’t sway voting trends to Milne and her band of intellectual midgets, nothing will ….

      “GREENS Senator Larissa Waters has urged Christmas shoppers to rethink buying bright pink jewellery or dolls for little girls, linking gender-stereotyped toys to domestic violence and pay inequality….. warns aisles of pink and blue merchandise, while seemingly harmless, can lead to serious social problems including violence against women and children…… setting such strong gender stereotypes at early ages can have long-term impacts, including influencing self-perception and career aspirations”

      These people are a serious problem – and not just because they’re the architects of Climate Fraud – but because their insidious Marxist doctrine invades every facet of our lives, systematically removing any remaining free will or choice we might have.


      • Old Rooster says:

        Just another long cycle turn of the fashion wheel. I think pink was a boys colour for many a century up until about a hundred years ago.


  8. Blackswan says:

    Vote #2 must go to Oh Bummer (h/t to jim cross – thx, it’s a ripper)

    That gaunt and cadaverous figure (has someone hit him in the chest with the back end of a shovel?) is like a crow sitting hunched on a barbed wire fence waiting to pick the eyes out of a nation that has given him everything. As he bows and bends his knee to Saudi kings he’s selling his countrymen down the river … and the rest of the West along with them.

    #3 has to be Turney … many thanks to the bloke who supplied the pics btw, especially the morning-after one. Can there be a better depiction of the total deflation of a man’s hopes and dreams – even the dry ones? Especially after he got his sycophantic ‘crew’ to actually pay thousands of dollars for their own humiliation? Idiots, one and all.

    Hey Pointy – I agree with CRAP. Where are the Minutes? Did anyone second the motion for the lovely Leo?

    Interesting pic of the lady-boy lad there – all those flowers and love-hearts on the wall behind him. He’s such a sensitive, caring soul – sobbing into his pillow …. for the polar bears of course. And all the other critters we could save if only we’d cough up the cash. It seems to me that celebrities and overpaid actors have little sway these days, especially after the Geldof debacle they’re a laughing stock. He’s merely an annoying pimple on the butt end of Green perfidy – just another carpetbagger grasping for stray cash.

    No – definitely no vote for Leo.


  9. Mindert Eiting says:

    Pointman, I have understood that I should vote for one of your five candidates. So I vote for a writer and actor who got the past year from Providence the order to write and perform a play, before a broad audience, that should be the best characterisation of the AGW movement.


  10. What class? says:

    Lew’s had his chance. His best efforts were last year. He’s a squib.
    Milne is in there for one brain fart. Her other accomplishments are commendable but last year.
    O’Bama is sorta like a politically motivated reverb/echo tape on your amp which repeats your inanities a little after you utter them. Nup.
    Cook’s effort was excellent non-science following the warmist tradition of secretive, contradictory, nasty obfuscation. A good effort but it doesn’t come within cooee of the winnah.

    Chris Turkey was a super nova. Think about it.
    A one hit wonder who organised a scientific expedition without any scientific basis which also arrogantly ignored all the rules (wrong ship, failed to check weather, didn’t study ice behaviour or history, ignored the captain…) and failed spectacularly.
    He organised his journey, got his followers to pay their own way trumpeted his intentions to the willing and excited media and set off.
    The planet proved him wrong and stopped him in his tracks for good measure.
    In one stroke; he brought the warmist movement the disrespect, scorn and derision it deserves to world attention; he buggered up and delayed several real scientific endeavours which cost lotsa money and wasted months of effort; cost the Australian taxpayers brazillions of dollars to rescue him and his cohorts; severely embarrassed the media who championed him. They had to backpedal and whitewash like billio! That was grand to see.


    • Old Rooster says:

      I doubt I could have summed it up better myself so I’ll just add that the gobblers effort was more of an individual achievement compared to those who have the resources of managers and studios or political parties or even the government of what is still probably the most powerful nation on Earth (which is one of those ultimate recyclables which will return all its metals to the cosmic dust once the Sun engulfs it as it reaches the end stages of its life).

      So my vote this year is cast for my fellow Phasianidae family member CT. Next year my vote is pledged to the favour of David Suzuki who I am sure will do something worthy of a Prattie and I’m sure he would have already won if the award had been instituted in much earlier times.

      PS Pointy I don’t think your caption helps to single out Milne unless one knows who everyone else in the photo is. They are all ugly, inside to out. It must have been a very robust lens that was used.


      • Pointman says:

        You’re right Rooster, it doesn’t do her justice but as a friend of mine observed, beauty may only be skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.



  11. hoppers says:

    1/ Obama – Insensitivity to hosts and shameless opportunism
    2/ Milne – Consistent blowhardery
    3/ Prof Turkey – Just plain dumb
    4/ Leo LaPonce – Private boatateer/Jetateer = hypocrite
    5/ Cook – I saw THOSE photo’s
    6/ Mann – no longer relevant


  12. David Jones says:

    It’s got to be O’bummer!


  13. johnrmcd says:

    1) Prof Turkey- an incompetent Pom who has adopted the U of NSW as a convenient sinecure.
    2) John Cook- someone who has completed my disconnection with my alma mater.
    3) Christine Milne (ole prune face)- I cannot think of any additional contemptuous comments; but I did enjoy your comments about the “ugly tree”.
    4) Leo la Ponce- child like wonderment
    5) You could chuck a blanket over the rest of the field; including the ones who did not make it into the final 6.

    I am appalled to realise that my first three are based in Australia. I am not trying to stage an Australian take-over, but it seems we performed above and beyond the call of duty this year.
    And I realise that Obama should figure in my list but he has performed at a level of consistency for all of 2014. He is the Prat for all Seasons … and times.


  14. AB says:

    Burka O’Blah,Blah has my vote. Leader of the “free” world handing even more of US economy to Asia and supported by that uber idiot Kerry who said this.

    According to the State Department’s web site, here is what Secretary Kerry said about the greenhouse effect in Jakarta on 16th February 2014:

    “Try and picture a very thin layer of gases – a quarter-inch, half an inch, somewhere in that vicinity – that’s how thick it is. It’s in our atmosphere. It’s way up there at the edge of the atmosphere. And for millions of years – literally millions of years – we know that layer has acted like a thermal blanket for the planet – trapping the sun’s heat and warming the surface of the Earth to the ideal, life-sustaining temperature. Average temperature of the Earth has been about 57 degrees Fahrenheit, which keeps life going. Life itself on Earth exists because of the so-called greenhouse effect. But in modern times, as human beings have emitted gases into the air that come from all the things we do, that blanket has grown thicker and it traps more and more heat beneath it, raising the temperature of the planet. It’s called the greenhouse effect because it works exactly like a greenhouse in which you grow a lot of the fruit that you eat here.

    This is what’s causing climate change. It’s a huge irony that the very same layer of gases that has made life possible on Earth from the beginning now makes possible the greatest threat that the planet has ever seen.”


  15. I voted for Dicaprio, because he may have the largest following certainly of our youngsters. These youngsters have to deal or endure the most of the ” warming climate plan”.


  16. Michael P says:

    I vote for Prune-face Milne,due to her statements that take stupid to a new level. For Example “coal is death”


  17. A Lovell says:

    I voted for Turney, for the sheer, delightful, unadulterated, guilt free schadenfreude I experienced during his Great Voyage. I doubt he will get on next year’s list, whereas the others are serial offenders.


  18. Old Rooster says:

    Is that first picture of the boxes to use for postal ballots? Unfortunately you don’t identify where to find them. Also I’m sorry but I appear to have been too late to vote early, may I still vote often?


  19. durango12 says:

    What’s a prat? Is it anything like a wanker?


  20. Graeme No.3 says:

    Decisions, decisions. Moobs Mann is so yesterday. Mr 97% is merely an unimportant, nasty little liar. Leonardo is merely unimportant.
    Despite my preference for Pruneface, I have to agree that she is largely a local disaster. I mean, consider her record as Leader
    September, 2012: NSW local government elections – Greens suffer disastrous loss of 26 of their 48 seats in local councils.
    October, 2012: ACT elections – Greens lose three of their four seats in the legislative assembly.
    September, 2013: Federal election – Greens’ national vote plunges 28 % from the 2010 election.
    October, 2013: Miranda state byelection – Greens vote plunges 50 % from 2011 state election.
    February, 2014: Griffith federal byelection (Brisbane) – swing against the Greens despite being a byelection.
    February, 2014: Redcliffe state byelection (Brisbane) – Greens win only 3.8 % despite big swing against the Coalition government.
    March, 2014: South Australian election – tiny swing to Greens as Liberals pick up seats and Labor has to form a minority government.
    March, 2014: Tasmanian election – Greens suffer 7.8 % negative swing, lose two of five seats and barely avoid losing a third.
    Besides the Host has ruled out a woman being a winner, and Pruneface is close enough to that category to risk disqualification.
    Burka wotsisname or the Ice Turkey? Close to a dead heat, but because he overcame anonymity to capture the incredulity of the World and because Christmas is coming it’s the Turkey.

    P., you will be posting that picture of those Greens on Bondi beach at the head of the Result, won’t you?


  21. Graeme No.3 says:

    Yes, or there is a selection at

    Pity we couldn’t nominate groups for the Pratties.


  22. While I happily voted for Turney and hugely enjoy the Pratties, I think focusing the criticism of Christine Milne on her looks is in poor taste and unnecessary. Frankly, it lets her actions off the hook and gives both your opponents and curious neutrals a reason to dismiss you as a crank.

    There are much better, and far funnier, ways of puncturing somebody’s balloon.


  23. wulliejohn says:

    Is it too late to add a Pommie, always an easy target – namely the ex- Right Honourable Christopher Murray Paul-Huhne., Ex Member of the European Parliament, ex-Member of (UK) Parliament, ex- Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, current contributor to The Guardian. His talents as a twat, let alone prat know no bounds Too many to mention here. Just Google him or Wiki him.
    A prize trougher (caght out claiming for lots of dodgy items) when in Parliament and now in the “sustainable energy field”.
    His most prattish act was to get his wife to state that she was driving his car when it was clocked for speeding. Then tell her he was leaving her for another woman , who looked like a man . Who then told him she was leaving him for another woman. Guess what his wife did?
    He then blustered on into court thinking that his obvious honour and believability would convince any jury.
    Huhne , whose pre-nom should be Buff was the usual victim of hubris.


    • Pointman says:

      It’s too late Wullie. He’s a politician anyway and as we all know, they’re all by definition prats. A song for your namesakes or perhaps youse guys out there who love Rabbie?



  24. Richo says:

    1. Mr 97%
    2. Prune Face
    3. Turkey
    4. Burka
    5. Di Crap
    6. Burka


    • Richo says:

      6. should be Mann who will be a has been when Steyn finishes with him.


      • Graeme No.3 says:

        Ah, his votes are a flat line at the moment, but just before the announcement expect a sudden (and inexplicable) sudden rise, making his progress look like a hockey stick.


  25. Bobby Laing says:

    Dear Mr Pointman and Readers,

    Australia has given the World some treasures (Germaine, Kylie,The Wiggles and The Winged Keel) to name but a few, but last December, and into January, Prof Chris Turney, and the Ship of Fools, nearly took over The Front Pages from Santa and New Years Day and gave all of us weeks and weeks of Comedy Gold. I fear much has been forgotten.

    They ventured to Antarctica to Find Irrefutable Catastrophic Global Warming Penguin, Polar Bear and Panda Slaughtering Annihilation and they, and the rescue ships, got stuck in rock solid ice by the gargantuan load.This led to the “Global warming causes Global cooling” mantra being parroted by alarmavistas all over the World and the people of the World laughed themselves silly at these silly people and their silly Mantra.

    As much as we love and revere Chrissie, Timmie, Caty and Cooky never has one Australian done so much to entertain all of us over the holiday period and brought so much discredit and mockery to an inane Concept so deserving of discredit and mockery.

    23 million votes from Australia go to Professor Chris Turney and Colleagues of The Ship Of Fools. A bigger certainty than the Bloke who put on a frock, grew a beard and sang a tuneful ditty at the last Eurovision Ditty Contest or Black Caviar (25 races and the super Mare wins 25 times including England at Ascot and met the Queen)

    Australia is watching this nomination closely, Mr Pointman and readers, and the political voice for Australian Drongo of the Year is gaining momentum. A drongo is our term for prat, nerd, goose,or fool and in the climate change sense or nonsense we are, as your nominations reflect, Absolutely Fabulous. We are to this award as India is to cricket and do I need say our bat, our ball, going home!

    I am doing my best to squash this momentum as your institution is the Wimbledon of its genre so may I suggest you and your readers think very seriously about our Exceptional contribution to your award and reward us appropriately. Secession can be a very …messy and … ahhh …friendship shattering concern.


    • Graeme No.3 says:

      The Turkey …sorry! Professor Turkey is doing well, but don’t forget that Australia is known for its strange animals.
      Lurking in the undergrowth, well on a harbour side block (actually 2 blocks) in an exclusive (and expensive) suburb, is our very own Tim (loose lips) Flannery. He’s been quiet lately since being booted out of his government sinecure, but at any moment he could erupt in a spectacular display of outrageous proportions.

      I am happy to nominate him for Australian Drongo of the Year (indeed any year). Sure he’s an outside chance at the moment, but the man who almost single handedly persuaded dumb politicians to spend billions of dollars (10 & counting) on desalination plants that were promptly moth-balled, can never be counted out.

      When were you thinking of running the contest? And have you considered an honorary award for the IPCC for their waste of money (they like that sort of thing).


      • Old Rooster says:

        Flim Flam is a walk up start for a lifetime achievement award already but he’s been a little too quiet to really shine in this year’s award. No doubt he will rise to the challenge in the years to come and be a worthy contender.


  26. Old Rooster says:

    Have just noticed that if Pointy uses a preferential voting system a la the Australian Senate Milne might just take the prize after all. 😱❗️

    Fittingly the Turkey seems to have stabilised at just over a turd of the vote.


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