The real doh! about Doha.

Meh! We're much too kool for Doha.

Well, here we are again. It’s November and that time of year for the annual international conference on figuring out ways of saving us all from global warming. Since the last one was called COP17, this one rather unsurprisingly is called COP18. Incidentally, COP stands for Conference of the Parties, which considering the great shindigs that are thrown at the things, is most appropriate. Anywhere between ten and thirty thousand people jet in to the lucky city, which gets to board, booze, feed and entertain the lot of them for a fortnight. They all natter earnestly through the day, party through the evening and best of all, most of it is on the taxpayer’s dime, so no expense is spared.

The slight downside for the locals is that in the aftermath of the conference, there’s usually not a drop of drink to be had in town, your trash has been tipped all over the street and your dog’s suddenly pregnant. Everyone has a hell of a time, except for the cleanup crews.

It has to be said though, the standard of partying has been dropping since the Copenhagen bash in 2009. It was there that the green movement lost its virginity, by which I’m not talking about an inebriated Eco Annie getting carried away and dropping her drawers for Gerhardt Greenie, but its political virginity. The tidal wave of populist hysteria smashed itself into bits against the unyielding seawall of the developing world’s determination to say no to pretty much all of their proposals, and the environmental movement has never since recovered from the sheer ungratefulness of them doing that.

In basic terms, the deal on the table at Copenhagen was that the developed nations would pay the rest of the world not to industrialise. How anyone in their right mind could possibly have thought a deal like that was affordable or would even be acceptable to the developing nations, passeth all understanding. That they were so surprised by its refusal, passeth even more.

The money was supposed to come from imposing emission taxation laws on most of the industrial world, but since that meant large-scale deindustrialisation with an attendant plunge in living standard for electorates, it was widely acknowledged in the saner circles of power, as being industrial and political suicide in any democracy. It was never going to happen, everyone knew it, and the developing nations, safely tucked behind the leadership of China, simply said no to the deal. They said no to everything, including the final token face-saving deal the western politicians so desperately needed to take home.

They wouldn’t even agree to signing the closing statement, though they did deign to acknowledge some months later that some sort of statement had been made. Cap and trade legislation in America died, the Chinese continued merrily on their way building two coal-fired electricity generation plants a week and the green movement shuffled home from the conference with its knickers around its ankles.

The next conference at Cancun in 2010, was a desultory attempt to sell precisely the same deal in even more deteriorating economic circumstances, and with exactly the same result. If anything showed the climate of denial the movement was in, that was it. Not a fresh approach in sight, just hammer away at the same old tired ideas. To pose the classic question, which part of “No” didn’t they understand?

Last year’s meeting at Durban, even though they’d finally dropped the emissions trading idea, was quite frankly an embarrassment. Nothing at all was yet again agreed, probably because there was nothing substantive left on the agenda courtesy of the Chinese, though there were some cringeworthy announcements at the end about strengthening resolves to possibly put in place frameworks about maybe beginning to think about how to start discussing ways an agreement might be approached at some unspecified future time. Daffy meets dead Ducksville.

The cherry on top was the complete absence of all the big party animals. Obama, Merkel and Cameron all conveniently had alternative gigs and Al was probably too busy fighting off the attentions of an over amorous hotel masseuse somewhere. The only ones who turned up were the politically desperate, chasing the young green swing voter, who were by that stage an endangered species, since being young and unemployed trumps any youthful anti-globalisation sentiments. Gissa job rather than down with the climate criminals, is what they’re chanting nowadays.

The propagandists at the NYT, WaPo and Guardian, really earned their crust by finding some sort of optimistic spin to put on that one. The curiously sad thing was the number of people wanting to believe it was something other than a complete disaster, but I suppose such clutching at straws is part of the denial trip.

And so we arrive at Doha. Notice how they always have these clam bakes in very nice places? Not for them the likes of Detroit, Dagenham, Kalgoorlie or Schweinfurt. No Siree baby, when you’re spending other people’s money, splash it out somewhere nice, not in places where real wealth is being produced by dint of something as unfashionable as sweat.

What is supposed to be the big aim at Doha, is agreeing some sort of continuation of the Kyoto agreement, which runs out this year. Things are not looking too good for that. At the meeting about having a meeting at Doha, or perhaps the meeting before that, the big industrial nations, like America and China, who incidentally never signed up to Kyoto anyway, indicated the best they might do was to possibly agree some very flexible emission targets.

Just in case you don’t know it, that’s international conference speak for no binding deal, or more realistically, the first stage of ye olde let-them-down-gently before saying a flat no to the whole thing. Even some of the original signatories to Kyoto won’t be renewing, a case in point being New Zealand, which it must be noted has also revoked Greenpeace’s charitable tax status. I’m getting to like those Kiwis, despite their accursed rugby team spearing BOD.

Again, it doesn’t look as if any of the big party animals will be attending, but perhaps Big Al might be attracted there by the charms of Annie, even though she’s looking more than a little shopworn of late. It’s very much a C list event these days, but all the talk on the corner is about not inviting randy Rajenda to this year’s thrash. Rumours abound about a tiff between him and the climate change secretariat, but nobody really knows. It has to be said though, that he and his IPCC posse have been caught getting up to some highly dubious things, and I don’t just mean writing the occasional soft porn novel. As I think on it, the porn is a lot more interesting than their reports. Again though, like the reports, I think it might be based more on fantasy rather than hard experience …

I have to say, disinviting Patchy, as he’s called informally, is a first and a slightly worrying development. Are they finally learning to drop discredited people who’ve become a perceived liability to the cause? If so, some of those people vying for the Climate Prat of the Year Award, should start worrying right now. A more prosaic explanation might be a long overdue attempt to separate the grownups, who think they know how the world should be run, from a discredited activist organisation, who at this stage only know what it’s like to be on the run. A bit like the constitutional separation of State and Church, but in a climatic sense.

Actually, I know a bit more than I’m letting on, but since the end of the year is in sight, and I’m one of the few people yet to be sued in it by Michael Mann, I’d like to keep it that way. I’m already broke and Christmas hasn’t even arrived yet. Ah, I remember with a certain fondness the good old days when I was only broke it January. While I can’t give you the URLs of those who might inform you further, I can give you some clues to locating a few of them.

Let’s see now. Look for a site run by a Californian who used to make a living as a moustache double for Magnum PI, a site run by a rather svelte blonde, inordinately partial to hunting down free-range Lewandowskies and the site of a man who’s been tilting at windmills this year, using nothing more than a telegraph pole. Any one of them can dish as much dirt as you can digest on the real climate criminals, with a more than acceptable crème brûlée to follow. None of them have a license, so bring along a bottle of your favourite Dago Red or a few tinnies of Kanga Brew. By the way, no prizes to any Wisenheimers for cracking the Da Pointi code, as I’m saving all my supermarket coupons for someone else.

There is one huge gigunda party animal, whose attendance some people were really hoping would sprinkle their usual brand of magic all over Doha, but unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll be making an appearance. That’s a great shame, since every time they do, scandalous but nevertheless deliciously salacious things happen and they absolutely become the talk of the whole party.

In the immediate aftermath of one of their visitations, the cover ups begin. Condemnatory editorials are suppressed and once respected journalists have to swallow their integrity and either stay silent or come out in embarrassed defense of the indefensible. Investigations are called for and commissions of enquiry are set up, every one of which is brutally mugged. Internet traffic spikes, pressure is put on Google to modify its search results, books are hurriedly written, grand speeches are not made, the police are called in, mobilisation of the grün Wehrmacht begins beneath Mount Trollenberg, the airforce is scrambled and whole countries move onto a DEFCON 4 footing, especially the Democratic Peoples Republic of East Anglia.

The doomsday clock ticks another minute closer to midnight, people stick their fingers in their ears, close their eyes, hold their breath, clench their sphincters and hoping for the best, wait crouching and suspended in agony for the searing inferno that’ll soon engulf the whole of the green world.

Relax, just kidding you.

I’m of course referring to that dreaded Banquo forever haunting the party, whose name nobody dares speak; the climategate whistleblower or FOIA, as they’re affectionately called by their host of appreciative fans. No CG3 to liven things up. A pity really. Never mind, perhaps next year.

Doh!

©Pointman

Related articles by Pointman:

Cancun and the Chinese perspective on it.

The Durban debacle awaits …

The decline of the environmental lobby’s political influence.

Climategate 2 – yes, they’ve been lying to you.

Announcing the inaugural Climate Prat of the Year Award.

Click for a list of other articles.

References:

Rajendra Pachauri whingeing about not being invited to the party …

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Comments
15 Responses to “The real doh! about Doha.”
  1. katabasis1 says:

    Great work as usual Pointy. I have been wondering though on the IPCC / COP front whether the boot may in fact be on the other foot – it’s possible the activists of COP have got wind (see what I did there?) that AR5 is going to be significantly more neutral than AR4.

  2. Rick Bradford says:

    There are too many influential people who do not want the music to stop, to hope that climate agit-prop will cease any time soon.

    Essentially the whole of the self-styled elite know they are onto such a good thing, that they would rather gargle battery acid than abandon catastrophic climate posturing.

    Politicians get to feel noble and raise taxes, large business cops a lot of subsidies, journalists can deal in fear and destruction, and NGOs can expand their budgets and remits.

    Everybody else suffers.

  3. Adrian O says:

    It could be that the IPCC insistence on having the UN extend its own blanket immunity from prosecution to the IPCC, and the repeated refusals of the UN, afraid to lose theirs, to do so, broke the last straw. I for one, went infantile over the matter.

    WHAT A FIREMAN NEEDS

    Hi, kids!
    Hi, mam!

    Today we study tools.

    *

    What does a fireman need?

    A firetruck!

    Good!

    *

    What does an astronomer need?

    A telescope!

    Very good!

    *

    Now comes the tricky one.
    What does a climate scientist need?
    You know, those fellows who made those really really scary movies for you…

    A thermometer, mam?

    Not quite. Thermometers show all kinds of things. Only hand made computer models are OK.

    A climate satellite?
    Those are the worst. They show cooling when the climate scientist’s job is to show warming.

    ???

    Well, kids, that’s why we come to playschool. To learn new things.
    Turns out, what a climate scientist really needs, is IMMUNITY…

    I know, mam! My mom’s a doctor. A vaccine!

    No dear! That’s not it!

    I know! I know, mam! My dad’s a lawyer!
    Immunity from prosecution!

    Wow! That’s it!
    That’s what a climate scientist needs!
    Immunity from prosecution!
    They tried it

    http://tinyurl.com/6pamjue

    and it didn’t work the first time around.

    But, kids, are we supposed to give up?

    No mam!

    Neither do they!
    So they’ll try it again.

    And, kids, what are we supposed to do when it’s written on it “Limited Distribution”?

    Not show it to anyone!
    It’s hush hush!

    *

    Now, let’s say it loudly once again!
    What’s a fireman…

    …without a firetruck!

    What’s an astronomer…

    …without a telescope!

    And what’s a climate scientist…

    …without imm…immu…
    …immunity from prosecution!

    *

    That’s all for today.
    Bye, kids!

    Bye, mam!

  4. David, UK says:

    Probably best written piece (IMHO) of yours that I have read since I discovered you over at WUWT, Pointy. I’m a miserable f@cker most of the time, so it’s quite something to get a knowing chuckle out of me. I chuckled twice while reading this. As for FOIA, I’m guessing he won’t be releasing anything in sync with this conference. There’s no sport in shooting at dead ducks. No, Climategate 3 is being held back for when it is really needed. And the longer it takes, the more dominoes will fall.

  5. hro001 says:

    A great piece, Pointman, as usual … but (here I go again!) in the interest of “truth in posting”, you might want to update:

    it doesn’t look as if any of the big party animals will be attending, but perhaps Big Al might be attracted there by the charms of Annie, even though she’s looking more than a little shopworn of late. It’s very much a C list event these days, but all the talk on the corner is about not inviting randy Rajenda to this year’s thrash. Rumours abound about a tiff between him and the climate change secretariat, but nobody really knows. It has to be said though, that he and his IPCC posse have been caught getting up to some highly dubious things, [emphasis added -hro]

    As I had noted in a comment on my blog:

    “Evidently he will be attending [...] the IPCC issued a Media Advisory dated Nov. 19:

    The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) will be taking part in the Doha Climate Change Conference (COP 18 / CMP 8) with a wide-ranging programme of events as it prepares to launch the first part of its Fifth Assessment Report (AR5) in September next year.
    The Chairman of the IPCC, Rajendra Pachauri, is due to address the conference on Wednesday, 28 November, at 15.00 Doha time.

    I doubt that we will ever know whether Pachauri’s initial whine was a consequence of the UNFCCC attempting to save its own rapidly declining credibility skin by throwing the IPCC under the proverbial bus – or of his failure to keep himself informed of his own travel and speaking engagements schedule.

    Nonetheless, as the Doha schedule (as of Nov. 22) indicates, the IPCC will be recyling its 2011 SRREN and SREX reports on Nov. 28 – and I’ll almost be willing to bet that whatever is presented will bear very little relationship to the reality of either report!

  6. hillbilly33 says:

    Bloody Brilliant Pointy and just what I needed!! I’ve been wading round for months in the sewer of Australian political, legal, Union, academic and journalistic corruption that has become endemic and even more firmly entrenched under the “leadership ” and example of a creature who personifies all that is evil in the old saying: power corrupts – absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Hopefully she will soon be brought to justice and we can get our once great country back on the road and restore it to a place in which the time-honoured principles of honesty, honour, integrity, fairness and justice will once again be sought after and become the norm rather than the exception!

    I don’t want to make you blush Pointy, but It’s such a pleasure to read words used so beautifully and so humourously as weapons of mass destruction, particularly against crackpot ideas.! If I could wax poetic for a moment, it was music to my ears (I read it aloud to a special friend), food for my mind and soul and it restored my equilibrium for the day!

    All power to your pen and some nice Reds for your wine cellar!

    Cheers to all. H/B

    • Bebben says:

      Just brilliant, Pointman.

      As for Doha, data (from Climategate and other sources) have shown that warmists are a thermophilous, or warm-loving, species. The Copenhaguen conference in December clearly wasn’t good for them, so another conference in Detroit, as you say, or maybe Murmansk in January could decimate their numbers and put them on the red list. (No, I’m not referring to political colorado.)

      It takes a sharp eye to steer such a sharp pen. Thanks for your postings.

  7. Adrian O says:

    POOR CLIMATOLOGISTS or
    A PIECE OF THE ACTION

    Motto: “honor and family and loyalty… and some of us wanted a piece of the action”
    Tony Soprano
    http://tinyurl.com/calsr7k

    Imagine being a climatologist,
    dedicating your whole scientific life to proving the necessity,
    in order to avoid the ominous predictions of your models,

    the necessity of taking huge amounts of money from some places
    and distributing some of it in some other places.

    Just to find that they meet in Doha,
    you’re not invited,
    and they plan to do that very scheme.

    Leaving you out.

  8. orkneylad says:

    Great piece P.

    And whom did the BBC pull out of their hat last night to discuss Doha -in it’s new ‘unbiased’ trousersuit- but none other than that ‘paragon of virtue’, Mark Lynas. They really don’t get it!

  9. Edward. says:

    P, was gonna post this elsewhere but it will do here:-)

    The UN is well past its sell by date, the organization exists but why?

    I can tell you, in the end the UN will promise the earth but deliver us all into Armageddon.

    Nothing ever gets done in the UN but machinating dissimulators are given a platform. Another bigger conflict rears its ugly head and the UN climate delegates sail on and on in their ‘cloud 9 Quinqueremes’.

    What we have is a stand off, a diplomatically induced comatose patient [the UN], lying between the leviathan monster called China, it’s corrupt second cousin very removed – Russia, Europe, is full of bickering recalcitrant whining children, Britain sidelined and broke and the USA holding its nose, pussyfooting around global warming via Obama’s backdoor “EPA way”, though this ‘son of Africa’ loves the redistributive bit.
    Of course, of far more importance, the UN is hamstrung and risibly showed its weakness recently granting some sort of recognition status to a failing state. At the same time – blindly, stumbling we are heading towards a new war in the middle east and the tilting at windmills, remote dilettantes, the ‘delegates’ on the Doha gravy train crassly ignore the cooling climate of reality.

    Up through the cracks, come folk like Christiana Figueres, savvy street wise and on the make and because there is no idea, other than to ‘milk the west’, rustle up the usual Doom-ageddon scenarios, you know……. 4-6C degree warming, sea level rise, more deserts, bigger drought, mega storms, pestilence, locusts and super-duper-killer once in a million year every year storms = CAGW…… CO2 is a poison……….the charade is played out time and again.

    Africa is holding out the begging bowl, while it actually requires some proper economic strategies not more handouts – the continent is fabulously rich; in raw minerals, fossil fuels and young energetic peoples – the tragedy is that Africa should be wealthy.

    The poverty of Africa shames the world but the UN requires it to stay just as it is to save momma Gaia – which is the crime of the century.
    What Africa is crying out for, is no outside interference but immediately; cheap and plentiful energy production, refining and power generation [which the UN perniciously inhibits] and a promise of technological aid. But then again, sadly all of its constituent nations are ruled over either by tyrants and or genocidal old men.
    Blissfully oblivious but with every nation at each others throats; nothing gets done and there can be no blocking vote in the UN – the farce of COP 18 commits to another holiday..um conference [the show must go on] COP19+20+21 and onwards ad infinitum and so it goes but this is just a UN freak side show.

    And inevitably, silently, we [Britain, USA, Australia, Holland, Canada, Denmark] will all go on to war, in another theatre – with the same old protagonists [just in differing guises] – something, the original concept, that the UN was thought of and convened and put there – to prevent – it [the UN] can do naught about the weather and terrestrial climate but if it really banged heads together – it could do something about Syria.

    • Pointman says:

      Howdy stranger, what’re you doing in town? I’ve begun to think of you as someone out riding fences, who occasionally visits, dropping a comment that’d take me about five decent blogs to reply to.

      One for you desperado

      P

  10. Edward. says:

    Wotcha P,

    Yes, I’m OK kiddo, hope you’re the same, I lurk P and sometimes you say it all man.

    Desperado – bought the album many, many, many moons ago – still sounds good after all these years, West Coast sound – luv it!

    Remember this dude?

    They say I’m lazy but it takes all my time
    Everybody says Oh yeah (Oh yeah)
    I keep on going guess I’ll never know why
    Life’s been good to me so far

    JOE WALSH

    You feel it?

  11. Doug Cotton says:

    New Climate Change Video

    Click here to see why we need physics experiments only done in the 21st century in order to confirm the new paradigm explaining planetary surface temperatures.

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